…otherwise we– er, they won’t take the money.
Which means that we– uh, they won’t lend it to you.
Which means you can’t *spend it.
It’d be a vicious circle, if you will.
*let alone pay back the money you owe us– er, them
The Importance of Being Flexible
by O Naturale
Cabinet Chair: My name is Bo R. and, while I’m, uh, not an alcoholic, I’d like to introduce the rest of the furniture with this announcement:
Because of the sheer magnitude of, uh, our problem, I am taking the historical and, uhm, unprecedented step in establishing, uhh, a *no tolerance policy in my, uh, department – on and off the job. It will, I believe, enable the, uh, American people to know what we’re doing in, uh, our government.
*except for relatively rare occasions when Wild Turkey would provide singularly better judgment than would, uh, cold turkey
Cabinet Lock&Key: Wow! That is indeed inspiring Mr.P. My name is Central I. And I’m an alcoholic. If you’ll just maintain my rights to drink in secret, I’ll promise to stick to beer, and ship the hard stuff to our needy friends in Eastern Europe and Asia. I’m told you’re having all the speakeasies there put out of business, so to speak, so they’ll probably just keep it around for drinking responsibly at home.
Cabinet Safe: Well. I guess I’ll come straight to the point. My name is G.Money and I’m honored to be able to say that I’m an alcoholic. If you’ll just give me another unmatched volume of booze, I promise to cut back as soon as I get a buzz on.
Liquor Cabinet: I’d just like to say in support of what Mr.G. is saying– Huh? Oh yeah, my name is Big Bad B. and I’m a yada yada yada. Me and my buddies are the only ones here who know how to handle our liquor an– Huh? It’s none of anybody’s business how much I’ve had already!
Cabinet Safe: (interrupting) Uh, hey, it’s me again, G. – the alcoholic. Don’t worry about Bad B. He may seem imposing, but I’ll vouch for him. He and I go way… back. We just need to give him what he wants… to put him in a sharing mood. Anyway, just look at him: Nobody that big’s blackin’ out.