The Futile Precaution (my cleverly misleading & therefore appropriate title for the Euro shuffle)


What would you say if I told you that I’d trade you a half a loaf of fresh bread for your whole loaf which just happens to be moldy and rancid? Exactly. You’d say, “Wanna sandwich?”

Now what if you were a stingy bastard? That’s right! You’d ask, “Where’s the fucking mustard!?”

A voluntary haircut, they call it. The voluntary part having something to do with an attempt to avoid a replay of the AIG credit default swap windfall disaster.
*Uh-huh.

If you have to be reminded: All deals favor those holding the most bread, even if the dough ain’t worth shit. So what is being played as “bankers paying half of the Greek debt” is really speculators being able to trade in depreciated bonds for a guaranteed fifty percent of their face value.

What if their actual value is below that fifty percent? Sounds like we got a deal!

And that’s not all!
To extend my analogy, the mustard in this imagined solution equals the interest those lazy (and probably un-bathed) Greeks will be paying.

Come on, really!
Just what is this suggested possible optional understanding of a potential agreement that the EuroZoners have come to? Did I say “come to?” What I mean is “drafted”.

It has a lot of “welcom[ing]” vis à vis the PIGS states. From welcoming their “important steps” towards “budgetary adjustment” and “fiscal consolidation” all the way to “increas[ing] competitiveness by cutting red tape”.

If the fact that they dreamt up such an acronym in the first place does not make you wonder, then the quoted language from the statement will not likely curl your skeptic’s wrinkle. I, for one, cannot help but think of an imaginary American parallel: “We welcome the niggers agreeing to sit in the back of the bus and remind them to stay off of our lawn when not in appropriate jockey attire.”

As a whole, the text highlights how they agree in principle to keeping the monetary union together at all cost. In their own words, it begins:

Over the last three years, we have taken unprecedented steps to combat the effects of the world-wide financial crisis, both in the European Union as such and within the euro area.

It reads like any number of papers I got a C- on in 101, except I’ve always err’d on the side of too many commas. Keep in mind that this is a dramedy here and “as such” is geared toward many target audiences:::

::: PRESS RELEASE ::: full house ::: relayed as European Leaders Reach Agreement Over Greek Debt ::: check :::

::: IDEA-FLOAT to the general public ::: buttloads of empty seats ::: watching CSI Wall Street via the Westinghouse Licensing Corporation so not really paying attention ::: check :::

::: LOB into the self-discerning polit-junkie crowd ::: big enough house to do the show ::: Mixed reactions in Greece over new EU deal ::: check :::

::: PEP TALK for traders ::: full house ::: Markets Rally After E.U. Summit Shows Progress ::: check :::

::: CUE for Bo Rama and Jay Carny-val barker’s next beat change ::: fully distracted press room ::: Obama welcomes decision on Eurozone crisis ::: check :::

::: sales pitch to bond holders ::: oh yeah, it wuz them wut come up with the idea ::: this is some funny shit ::: check :::

*For better analysis, read this (in German).

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