cont’d from page 44
ingredients for flying cheese sandwich anti-gravity machines head to Aldi. You’ll need a bag of sliced white bread called Toastbrot. The cheese should be a cheese food colloidally constructed of dehydrated dairy power and oil and packaged in individually wrapped slices. In Aldi this is usually found by the beef jerky and dog food, not in need of refrigeration. One package fuels roughly one fleet.
Work on a flat surface large enough for the sandwich to move a half meter [2 ft] in any direction. No smaller than 5m² [16 sq ft] is recommended. Remove two adjacent slices of bread (no heels) from the bag. It is important that these are adjacent, as their outline when placed upon each other should be perfectly flush. Place the first slice of bread as close to the center of the surface as possible. Remove one slice of cheese from its wrapper and center it atop of the first slice bread so that the cheese in no way extends beyond the crust edge. Place the second slice of bread neatly flush on top of the first, creating the desired “sandwich effect”.
Now it’s time to insert the previously modified soldering iron described in Chapter 2. Prior to the heating stage, the bread should have been pre-toasted, but only slightly; it’s essential that the initial heat source be applied primarily to the cheese, hence the modification of the iron rod, flattened and generating heat from only one side of the tip. Insert the iron stem and apply heat to the underside of the cheese approximately halfway to its center. Any subsequent temperature rise in the bread should be the result of direct contact with the melted cheese food product.
Important: Compromising the integrity of the bread can cause crumble in flight, leading to leakage and potential cheese burns on the ground or, worse, a tear in the universe.
At some point when the cheese has reached between 450° to 500°C the bread slices will begin their counter-revolutionary spin. Do not remove the iron until the sandwich has achieved between 8-12 cm [3-5 in] lift for circa 3 seconds. Slide the stem in one swift horizontal motion so as not to fracture the bread.
Cheese temperature is maintained by bread slice friction and movement propelled by inexhaustible cheese food heat energy. You will now have an anti-gravity device of perpetual motion. Salt to taste.